I am not sure what I am doing with my life anymore. My current environment is great and fortunate to be in a position to get up none sense without consequence – not that I’m breaking the law or anything of that nature. This is a feeling I’m sure we all go through at some stage in our lives and I just figured that it should be documented.

Motivation

An issue that I have and probably always struggle with is finding that thing that will move me forward. I have crazy ideas and know what I want to do but working towards it is always a hit and miss. I’d get started and then get halfway then abandon it; moving onto the next thing. I know that to overcome these things you need to be obstinate.

A great post I read last week about why we shouldn’t be doing things we do for free, touched on this very same topic. If you’ve got the time I highly recommend you read it next.

The irony with this whole situation is that I am consistent and dogged individual when it comes to certain things that I really care about. Which begs the questions what the fuck is it that I really care about?

Relationships

I’ve done a relatively good thing this year by cutting out any bad actors in my circle. These are people who bring no value to your life and whenever you are with them you usually do the same things and it is always at your expense. Right now I have a good crop of individuals around me and it’s great to know I can be open to sharing my life with them during my highs and lows.

It could be a disorder and wonder if something is wrong whenever you get some good advice from family and reliable people and you’re either extremely slow to act on their advice or just ignore it entirely, even though it’s to your benefit. That is me, and does it mean I don’t take them seriously?

There is however one individual I do take seriously and the last bit of advice I got from this person came from my subconscious rather than their lips. This person is not family and we are unfortunately no longer in communication.

Habits

I think I am going through a mild depression. I find my self drinking excessively of late and often; like this past week it was Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday. Today I’m sober, and kind of in recovery from last night. I intended to go to Church at 8 am and set the alarm (I don’t set alarms unless it’s important) for it. That, of course, didn’t happen because I woke drunk so I slept in. I then woke up at 11 and I was still drunk, haha. I did go overboard.

I also do have an expensive drinking habit, and the amount of money I’ve spent at my favourite water holes would help achieve my goals. The Lord knows I will most definitely need the money when it comes to it.

A glass of Jim Beam
A glass of the old faithful, Jim Beam

This week I am going to challenge myself to have a dry week, then again I wouldn’t say it’s a challenge. I know I can do a dry week. A month would be the challenge.

Goal

Shopify Unite 2020, I am going to the event, and better yet I am going to stay in Canada for about 3 months so that I can network and lay the groundwork for the bigger picture, which I will write about someday.

To get this event what I’ve been advised to do is get my passport a little dirty, collect some European visas. I need to get the UK, Schengen visa then re-apply for A Canadian one because I only was given six months. The joys of having a clean passport. I’ve come to learn that no country outside of Africa likes a clean passport. It’s silly.

That’s the plan, in theory anyway, don’t hold me accountable if I don’t follow it through precisely. I don’t really intend visiting any of the EU countries apart from Amsterdam, NL. The UK would probably just Scotland because of their Whiskey, even though I’m not too fond of scotch.

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