I am writing with a hungover while being a little loaded. I feel like at any given moment my stomach will pack it in and it’s contents projected all over my machine and workspace. It’s terrible and I just don’t care anymore.

Caring, of late I feel like I don’t care about my general health and well-being, even though I do have things to lose and it wouldn’t be fair to the people around me. I dislike waking in the morning and heading to the office, I dislike it when my manager assigns me work, especially work that I know is actually pointless and is counterproductive from a consumers point of view and technical side. I would love to tell him my thoughts, but I can’t because the man gives me money to do what he says and of late set a president of giving me envelopes under the table. I dislike it but that envelope I like.

Why do I drink? Initially, it was to pass time and a social thing. Rarely did I get loaded. Just got to a point where I got a good buzz and then called it a day. 3 Years ago I drank as an enthusiast because I could afford good liquor. I had mini bar even and life was good till it wasn’t so great. Last year the reason to drink was that I didn’t want to think about anything, and was recovering from a brutal break-up. Now I am not sure anymore, I just do it because I can, I guess.

To the days of preserving a bottle of the old faithful (Bourbon) for 2 weeks to pretty much cutting it down to 4 days or less. To the days of being sober, and drinking tea or coffee as is, to making Irish coffee almost daily. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I find myself very productive and conversive.

I’ve just come off a 2-day bender and going for the hat-trick tonight, technically I’ve completed the hat-trick because I left the house with a buzz and a flask in the pocket. Irish Whisky has been doing the Lord’s work this week. It’s going to be a fun time. Before you cast judgement on me with my poor life decisions. I am fully aware of what I doing to my body, and I know at this rate my liver will explode in about 20 years down the line from this abuse.

A quick google search of the term of alcoholism.

It is funny how much information you can get wrong when you are firing from the hip with no research about something. So lets quickly go over some of these points.

  1. A chronic disease characterised by uncontrolled drinking and preoccupation with alcohol.
  2. Inability to control drinking due to both a physical and emotional dependence on liquor.
  3. Starting each day with a drink, feel guilty about drinking and have the desire to cut down on the amount of drinking.

There is a strong chance that I have this “chronic disease” considering my parents are both abusers, especially my mother. For her, it got to a point where she had health issue related to the years of abuse. She has made a recovery, and still drinks but I don’t think as much as before. My old man drinks a bottle of wine every night. This doesn’t quite apply to me in the sense that I have a quota of much I am going to drink, often it’s 2 doubles, if not 3 depending on how early I start.

2. For me, I lean towards emotional dependence. Currently, I’m going through mild depression and drinking heavily as a form of “self-healing”, when it’s actually deferring from sending that elephant in the corner home and it’s a great anti-depressant. Physical not so much because my body is telling me to stay away because of the hangover.

3. I make Irish Coffee in the morning for that glorious buzz. It’s not every day, and if I don’t have liquor I will have regular coffee. I do not feel guilty about my actions and often I think I gloat like it’s a badge of honour. I make no secret about my drinking and do this deliberately so that everyone knows and be held out accountable if it gets out of hand, and host an intervention.

Speaking of which the people around me are terrible, I think I’ve only had one person express serious concern about my drinking habit. People will tell me that I drink a lot and leave it there. Alcohol abusive is a big thing and something that is rampant in our society. I’ve lost count how many times I see people loaded behind the wheel, or drinking outside the stores before going home. It’s a problem.

Tonight’s the night, I am going to do the triple and polish a bottle of Proper Twelve. It’s the final hoorah and going to have a dry weekend and then stay sober the whole of next week. I don’t think I am going to give up drinking entirely, that will probably happen if I cannot manage my depression without drinking.

Wish me luck.

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