For a few weeks now I have been lamenting over insecurities, how it can manifest and define who we are. Sometimes it’s for the better if it’s addressed, sometimes it’s for the worst. We all have our own insecurities, it’s a very human thing and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

A lot of the time these feelings derive from self-image, and public opinion, especially from when we are young and aware of our presence for the first time. Going through school for many of us I am sure was a terrible experience – kids can be really awful. It is here where I think most of our insecurities are most nurtured.

Society

Society and cultures, in general, are to blame in my head. From birth, you are subscribed and conditioned into a world with little tolerance for diversity. When the inevitable happens when two different cultures and belief system mix there is a problem. Instead of listening or trying to understand the culture labels are automatically applied, weird, crazy, savage. It’s messed up. Through it all, we are never taught to listen and even if we did the human part us will shine through… personality, pride or greed will prevail for whatever reason. If it’s not the same it’s a problem. Ask yourself why is it when you see a rodent/insect in your space, your basic instinct is to murder it when it’s there for its own purpose.

Listening

A few weeks ago I got blocked by someone on Instagram because I asked her a sensitive question about a hobby she has picked up, and in this case, it is about body building.

She is someone I do not know personally, but have been chatting randomly about anything, and she’s really a wonderful individual and is someone that I think has experienced a world only flew would ever live.

My getting blocked, and the reasons behind it is this persons decision and their reasoning is theirs alone which I understand and respect. Personally I think it’s counter productive and won’t help shape the opinions of society.

I think bodybuilders are trying to overcompensate for an insecurity.

That’s the viewpoint I expressed and it didn’t go well from there. I understand why, and perhaps the reasoning why she chose to disengage, and it’s okay.

I find it frustrating when people choose to disengage instead of trying to educate an individual. If they choose to listen that is up to them or not but at least you’ve tried to be informative about a culture you’re subscribed to… and yes maybe she is not at that level of being able to discuss that part of her life with a stranger, I understand that. We all aren’t at the same stage in life.

To me and the people I’ve asked, in this context is, here is a stereotype – bodybuilders overcompensate because they feel that they’re small and maybe going through a body dysmorphic disorder. So pumping iron is a way for them to empower themselves. And it’s okay if one feels that way. I just don’t understand is why shield what we don’t like about ourselves.

Bullies & Judgement

Growing up I was bullied throughout my entire schooling experience, even on the home front. I was made to feel insecure about anything and everything, from my name, body odour, pigmentation, immigration status and even the sound of my voice. There was no refuge and it just got to a point where I had enough and for some reason just did not care anymore.

I think it came that day where I confronted a bully, I just pulled him aside and just punched him in the face in front of everyone. Back then I wasn’t a small kid, and avoided conflict, so when it happened people just backed off. Nothing happened to me because I explained my side of the story and earned sympathy.

Ever since then I think just started to march to my own groove in life with little regard of public opinion, and it’s liberating to an extent.

Why should it matter?

Judgment and opinions, why should it matter so much to us. Why should we behave or do things in a certain why because of the climate we are in? Yes it can be limiting, somewhat in terms of securing the bag, but personal happiness and inner peace, what does that mean.

Being barred because I asked a deeply personal question, to me that proves my question right, even it has the potential to be deeply flawed. Who is to say that if I was engaged and proven wrong, I wouldn’t take that acquired knowledge and spread it like Covid-19?

Recently I’ve come to the realization that I do not have any insecurities, and my response was I can’t think of any, I do not have any… only to realise that it’s been taped off and disguised as something else. Gonna try to explore this in future posts.

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