Recently I heard a story of a friend of mine that went on a bender on a Monday night that had me saying to myself, that was me a few months ago.
What happened was he and a mutual friend of ours went on a Monday after-work drinks. With the expectation that it would be casual and everyone would get home safely and in good spirits.
Kevin is one of those people that comes from an abusive background, has anger management issues, and naturally an alcoholic. Sometimes when he is drinking it is excessive and his behaviour can be erratic. He recently wedded to a wonderful person, so you can imagine the level of stress that it induces because of that debt to start the married life.
On this night it was like attending a charged western fraternity party that starts off amazing then ended badly because one that one village idiot. Notably, this one man who was buying everyone drinks, and trying to prove he is the alpha male. At some point, this guy made it known that he had iron when he moved his pistol from his ankles to his waistband. Everyone there immediately knew that they were at risk, and low-key has to comply with his demands.
Kevin, loaded as he was, didn’t make life easy for anyone. Our mutual friend tried to do the responsible thing and leave relatively early but was ignored, so he left. At this point, Kevin was beginning to engage with his self-destructive behaviour. Heavily intoxicated and just wanted to brawl with everyone. First, it was with the man that bought him drinks, eleven shooters, then the staff eventually with the bouncers.
Luck of the
Eventually, he was ejected from the venue without a major incident. As far as I understand from testimony from our mutual friend, he is not very good behind the wheel, his vehicle doesn’t even have signal stalk nor wiper stalk… Yeah, you can make your own conclusion why that is; and this is sober.
It was arranged that someone will drive him home in his car, to which refused. So the next best thing is to have someone ride shotgun just to make sure he will get home safely. It didn’t go well and was all over the road. It didn’t take very long until he hit a few islands and wrecked the tires only, and nobody was injured. They nursed the vehicle to a petrol station, and called our mutual friend.
He was at home and trying to have an easy night, but it was meant to be, because ever since he had left. Kevin’s wife was calling him along with people at the bar, trying to make sense of the shit show, and confirm where Kevin was.
A bridge too far.
When our mutual friend arrived at the scene he saw that the police were there and Kevin was trying have a go at them as well. Hurling abuse and being very insulting. Thankfully the person he was with was able to explain the situation a deescalate the situation. He should have gone to jail then and there in my opinion.
On his way home he directed his abusive to our mutual friend – the one giving him a lift. The one person that I think personally saved his life by creating a safety net, to ensure his safety.
This is where I came to realise that this is also me when I am going through a full-on depression, compounded with a lot of stress. The key difference here is that I do not have an aggressive personality. I do not threaten people with violence, or throw things in a fit of rage.
The abusiveness – is something that I’d like to explore more. There was a time earlier this year where I was in a deep funk. It started with me having an afternoon drink and living through memories of my schooling days.
As the afternoon became evening, I was reminded of how I was essentially bullied throughout my entire basic education. It then just became about me and not really caring about anything anymore. My partner at the time did well and just let me go through the process for the most part until she sat beside me and I started unloading everything and my raw feelings at the time.
A mistake that was, through no-ones fault. My partner was being extremely supportive, however, what was said compromised our relationship and played a part in its demise.
I told her how about felt about a former partner, what that person meant to me, and how I’ll never love anyone like that again. I told her pretty much everything that one person needs to hear that will guarantee a breakup. What’s even worse is that they weren’t necessarily true.
Our relationship became strained after that night. During one of our arguments we had; she mentioned that was I was emotionally abusive that night. Which I find strange. I know I can be a real asshole but never to the point of abuse. It’s just not me.
I will go on to conclude, even though it’s obvious. If you are going through a depression and stressed — avoid going on a bender. Let alone stop drinking during that period. It won’t help you.
People like Kevin, there is only so much you can do for them, and it will come to a point where you need to abstain for a little while and just let them hit bottom and hope that the bottom is that one truly sobering experience.