I don’t like staying alone / being alone for a sustained period of time. It’s a trait that I’m sure I’ve inherited from my old-timer. On the plus side though, it’s led me here.

No control

Of late I’ve been confronted with a situation I have no idea how to deal with involving 2 parties. I’m friendly to both sides, and I have the policy to remain neutral, and let adults do adult things. I am not here to be the go-between. However, I like to keep a clean house, especially if people would like to be a member of the clique. Do not poop where you eat, it’s all I ask.

People are people at the end of the day.

In the one corner

A long time war-time buddy, we’ve fought together in the trenches over the years. Somewhat grown up to become grown adults. Come to think of it… Ryan only started hanging out because my sister invited him to a house party they were hosting. It was a good time and if memory serves the last time I ever played “Never have I ever” over a bottle of Russian Bear. After that night, the guy stuck around, he was pretty much always at the house on weekends, we’d all sit outside on the veranda, play some tunes and do what young adults do.

At some point, I would have to wonder when boys and girls come together regularly and become somewhat like-minded is it the inevitable happens; innocent friendly encounters turn sexual in nature at some point? I think so, sadly, and Mr Ryan put in hands in the cookie jar. Boy was even polite enough to ask me whether it was okay if could take a cookie.

I had no gripes about it then and suspect he’s had more than one cookie, greedy asshole.

Oh let the slander begin

I’ve seen him go through a few relationships with the ladies. None of them has ever been stable, and if I am not mistaken man has stepped out and done the unholy of holy in each situation.

By his nature, I always thought he was the more confident among the two of us. Forever out and about doing stupid things at stupid times at stupid places during that era in which I had disposable income. When I think most of the adventures and epic stories derive from my direct involvement. I don’t think he would have met one of his ex-girlfriends, who I’ll admit fast-tracked his personal growth tenfold.

Imagine having a partner who rides under the banner of “sexual freedom”, her biggest kink being having a train run on her by strangers from time to time, and you are having a sexual experience that doesn’t require any raincoat. Keep in mind the province has the highest number of prevalence HIV cases in the country. Towards the end of this relationship, our boy was in need of some paid comfort, before finding someone new who is HIV positive.

"But I'm on the outside, I'm looking in
I can see through you, see your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me
I can see through you, see to the real you"

In my mind one has to buy a ticket to ride the train. It's almost a year on and already I'm seeing early signs of behaviour from 12 months ago.


I still don’t know where I stand here. Logically nothing says they shouldn’t give it a shot, they’d get a long well and Jessica is a completely different brand from what Ryan has been seeing romantically this past decade. On the other side of the coin I just feel really uncomfortable about it all, and think one of the days it’s going to be a situation where there is a secret meeting at a hotel room somewhere. People are people at the end of the day – it feels like I’m going to be played.

It’s also a situation I’ve never really had to deal with before invloving close friends of mine.

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